I can't sleep

and i'm hungry.

this is something i don't want to have to do. i think it's the best decision that we can make. i even think it is the best that i do it, instead of one of you guys, but come on. it's going to suck. and my solution (if you could call it that) would have been to passively wait until what we all expect to happen to just happen.


what should i tell him. i'm thinking that i might make it about how we want the best for him, but i'll admit now that was not the main focus of the conversation. i could tell him how we need what we do. i don't want anyone to be upset, especially considering how we want this to peter out. we'll just see, what we see.

Who Am I

It'a nightmare, but it's paradise
it's a terror, but it will entice
it's a treacherous sea
it's an ocean breeze
and i hate what it has made me

Who AM I?

This nightmare, you drug me into
but i came running without a moment to lose
it's a treacherous sea
it's an ocean breeze
and i hate what it has made me

Who AM I?

The Secret

Where are you; where did you go?

i know that things change/ but i hoped that this could be the same/ were you ever who i knew for so long?/ how can that be, now that you're gone?

Where are you? Where did you go?

dude 1: hey, bro.
dude 2: hey.
dude 1: i had a dream about you last night.
dude 2: yeah?
dude 1: yeah, man it...
dude 2 (interrupting): hold on man, just a minute
(the two drink, then trade drinks, then lock arms and drink. the maneuver is clumsy).
dude 1: yeah, i had a dream last night.
dude 2: yeah?
dude 1: yeah bro; you were in it.
dude 2: really?
dude 1: yeah, it wasn't weird though.
dude 2: no, not weird at all.
dude 1: totally.

lyrics

i've been thinking about sharing lyrics that i wrote for a project that i'm working on with Zach and Tony. part of me doesn't want to, but i like these ones.

Have We Met

I thought I remembered you, but we’ve never met before. My ideas of you must have been dreams.
Have we met?
They thought you stood firm, but refused to stand back.
They move you!
I thought that you stood strong.
I was wrong.


(i had to edit it down a little bit to make it fit with the song, but these are what i wrote originally).

How long until my day...

(not my poem, but a friend asked me to write up my interpretation).

For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face.
-1 Corinthians 13:12

(also, the reason why i started coming up with this was to prove that interpretation is totally up to the interpretator, and can be anything).

This poem deals with the readers struggle to feel connected to a savior that they sometimes feel is distant. They have an understanding that they don't have full knowledge of the creator that they long so desperately to be near. this is made clear in the phrase "Ghost of Hallelujah." this is an allusion to the verse in 1 Corinthians pertaining to the distance and confusion that is present in a relationship with a divine being until the day when we will be brought together with that being.

the phrase "your ours" in the poem is a bit trickier, involving some interesting word play, as well as a compelling feeling of frantic-ness. Taken literally, (as is one of the ways the word is meant to be taken), the phrase refers to the hope that the reader has in participating in the kingdom that is coming. this phrase when read in this way sort of communicates an idea similar to the colloquial "mi casa es tu casa" expression, demonstrating a desire to share with in the things that the creator has, as well as recognizing that everything about the readers self is given to the almighty. the second meaning is hidden in the your, which is a malapropism for you're. the statement would now read to mean that the creator is something that we can hold onto despite the great distance and confusion. this is also important because it reveals that the phrases are illustrative of a rushed and frantic atmosphere, so much as to cause the wrong words or phrases to occasionally be used by mistake. this complements the feeling of despair that the reader is feeling, that causes them to feel the words expressed in the poem.

finally, the beginning of the poem reveals the pain that the creator also feels in regard to the separation between the two. "Messes" is actually meant to be read as "Messiah's," further adding to the frantic anguish discussed in the previous paragraph connected to the malapropisms. So, the line is instead, "Look Messiah's tears," can now be interpreted to reveal a crying almighty, broken and feeling the same sort of disheartenment as the reader. this omnipotent being longs to be with the defeated and hurt reader as the reader wants to be with the omnipotent.

there was no fighting in my house for 5 days.